Connection
Resource Hub
Free assessments, exercises, books, and research — organized around the 5 Pillars. Everything here is meant to help you take one small, real step.
These resources are for education and self-reflection — not a substitute for professional mental health support. If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (24/7). You're not alone.
Emotional Closeness
UCLA Loneliness Scale (Version 3)
The most widely used loneliness measure in psychological research. Free, anonymous, no account.
Take the assessmentDe Jong Gierveld Loneliness Scale
Distinguishes emotional loneliness (lack of an intimate bond) from social loneliness (lack of a wider network). Useful when you can't tell whether you need one close person or a wider circle.
Read the scaleLoneliness: 6 Things to Know That Might Save a Life
A short, research-backed overview of why loneliness is a serious health risk and what actually helps.
Read articleWhat Doctors Wish Patients Knew About Loneliness and Health
The medical community's perspective on loneliness, written for non-clinicians. A useful reframe if you've wondered whether what you're feeling is "really" a health issue.
Read articleTogether: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World
By the U.S. Surgeon General who later issued the 2023 advisory. Combines stories, neuroscience, and practical guidance — the most accessible single book on adult loneliness we know of.
The "How Are You Really?" Practice
Next time someone asks how you are, give an honest answer instead of "fine." Notice what happens. This tiny shift builds the muscle of emotional closeness over time. Start with someone you trust.
⚓ Friends Ahoy practiceThe Vulnerability Check-In
Share one thing with a friend you'd normally keep to yourself — a worry, a small joy, a fear. Doesn't have to be heavy. The repetition builds depth.
⚓ Friends Ahoy practiceDeep Conversation Starters
45+ vetted questions designed to deepen friendships. Useful for a Crew Conversation, the next coffee with a friend, or a long drive.
View startersSocial Integration
Surgeon General's Advisory on Social Connection
"Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation." The 82-page advisory that declared loneliness a U.S. public health crisis. Foundational reading for understanding the scale.
Read advisoryThe State of American Friendship
Tracks the "friendship recession" — including the finding that the share of American men with at least six close friends fell from 55% in 1990 to 27% in recent surveys.
Read reportThe American Friendship Project
Multi-year survey of nearly 6,000 American adults. Found that 42% feel less close to their friends than they would like — a depth gap independent of network size.
Read studyThe Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters
The book most cited by people building communities from scratch. Practical, surprising, and applies whether you're hosting two people or two hundred.
Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community
The definitive account of how American social life unraveled, and what's worked to rebuild it. Dense in places, but the framework changed an entire field.
The "Same Time Next Week" Challenge
Pick one activity you'd do anyway — coffee, a walk, a workout. Invite one person to do it with you at the same time, same day, four weeks running. Consistency is the secret most adults skip.
⚓ Friends Ahoy practiceSocial Rhythm Tracker
For one week, write down every shared activity you participate in. Count them. Most people are surprised by how few there are — or how many were passive (watching, scrolling near each other) rather than active.
⚓ Friends Ahoy practiceIdentity & Belonging
The Belonging Barometer
National survey measuring belonging across family, friends, workplace, community, and country. Useful as a population benchmark — and a reminder that belonging can be named and measured, not just vibe-checked.
Read about itPersonal Values Card Sort
Sort 50+ values from "very important" to "not important." The gap between your stated values and how you spend your time is often where disconnection lives.
Free PDFCare To Ask: Conversation Starters for Connection
Daily prompts designed specifically to reduce loneliness and deepen relationships. Useful for our gatherings or just texting a friend something more meaningful than "hey."
View startersBraving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone
Brown's case that true belonging requires you not to shrink yourself to fit. Short, accessible, and the book most people quote when they finally name the difference between fitting in and belonging.
The "Where Do I Fit?" Map
Draw a circle for yourself in the center of a page. Draw circles for every community or group you're part of. How close are they to your center? Which ones feel like home? Which ones feel like obligation?
⚓ Friends Ahoy practiceIdentity Story Exercise
Write three short paragraphs: who you were five years ago, who you are now, who you want to be in five years. Share one of them with someone you trust.
⚓ Friends Ahoy practicePurpose & Contribution
The Science of a Meaningful Life
A free library of articles on purpose, generativity, and meaning, drawn from research in positive psychology and sociology.
Browse libraryVolunteering and Wellbeing: A Meta-Analysis
Synthesizes evidence that regular volunteering is linked to lower depression, higher life satisfaction, and reduced mortality. Useful when "go volunteer" sounds too soft to actually help.
Read studyThe Power of Meaning: Crafting a Life That Matters
Argues purpose is built from four pillars (belonging, purpose, storytelling, transcendence) rather than one big calling — useful if "find your purpose" has always sounded like a bigger ask than you can pay for.
VolunteerMatch
Find local and virtual volunteer opportunities — including in Longmont and the broader Front Range. Filter by cause, time commitment, or skills.
Find opportunitiesAmeriCorps Volunteer Search
Federally backed volunteer programs ranging from a few hours to year-long service. More structured than VolunteerMatch — better if you want training or potential paid stipends.
Find programsSkill Inventory
Write down five things you're good at that most people don't know about. Now: who in your life could benefit from one of those skills? Offering help with something you're uniquely good at is one of the fastest paths to feeling valued.
⚓ Friends Ahoy practiceThe Unsolicited Note
Send one message to someone in your life today that says, in your own words: "I was thinking about you because [specific reason]." No ask attached. Just contribution.
⚓ Friends Ahoy practiceDigital Balance
Center for Humane Technology
The leading research and advocacy group on the attention economy. Their resources explain how apps are designed to be addictive — and what you can do about it.
Visit sitePassive Facebook Usage Undermines Affective Well-Being
The classic study distinguishing active social media use (messaging, posting, planning) — neutral or positive for wellbeing — from passive use (scrolling, lurking) — associated with worse mood and higher loneliness.
Read on PubMedDigital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World
A concrete framework for reducing screen time without going off-grid. The book most cited by people who actually changed how they use their phones rather than just feeling guilty about it.
Your Phone's Built-In Screen Time Controls
Track daily screen time, set per-app limits, and schedule downtime. The best digital wellness tool is the one already on your phone — just open Settings.
One Sec
Adds a forced breath-pause when you open distracting apps — short enough not to be annoying, long enough to break the autopilot. One of the few "habit" apps with reasonably strong outside data on its effectiveness.
Visit siteThe Scroll vs. Call Challenge
Next time you pick up your phone to scroll, call or text someone instead. One real exchange replaces twenty minutes of passive consumption. Track how many scrolls you convert into a connection.
⚓ Friends Ahoy practicePhone-Free Hour
Pick one hour every day — same hour, every day — when your phone goes in another room. Not silenced. Not face-down. Out of the room. The first three days are the hardest; the fourth is the point.
⚓ Friends Ahoy practiceCrisis & mental health support
Friends Ahoy is a community organization, not a crisis service. The lines below are staffed by trained, qualified people. If something on this page brings up more than you can sit with, please reach out.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Call or text 988Free, confidential support 24/7 for anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts, mental health crisis, or substantial emotional distress.
988lifeline.org →Crisis Text Line
Text HOME to 741741Free, confidential text support 24/7 with a trained crisis counselor. Useful when calling feels like too much.
crisistextline.org →SAMHSA National Helpline
1-800-662-4357Free, confidential, 24/7 referrals for mental health and substance use disorders. Treatment locator and information.
samhsa.gov →The Trevor Project
Call 1-866-488-7386 · Text START to 678-678Free, confidential 24/7 crisis intervention and suicide prevention support for LGBTQ+ young people.
thetrevorproject.org →Veterans Crisis Line
Dial 988, then Press 1Confidential support for U.S. veterans, service members, and their families. Many responders are veterans themselves.
veteranscrisisline.net →Colorado Crisis Services
1-844-493-8255 · Text TALK to 38255Free, confidential, 24/7 mental health support for Colorado residents. Connects to local walk-in centers and follow-up care.
coloradocrisisservices.org →⌄
This page links to external assessments, articles, books, tools, and organizations we have found useful. Friends Ahoy is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or partnered with any of the institutions, researchers, authors, organizations, or government agencies linked here — including (but not limited to) UCLA, Harvard, the U.S. Surgeon General's Office, the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, the American Medical Association, the American Enterprise Institute / Survey Center on American Life, PLOS, the Mental Health Coalition, the Center for Humane Technology, AmeriCorps, VolunteerMatch, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, Crisis Text Line, SAMHSA, The Trevor Project, the Veterans Crisis Line, or Colorado Crisis Services. Citations and links exist solely to credit the original work and let you keep learning. Inclusion of a link does not imply that any linked party endorses Friends Ahoy.
Our own materials. Items marked "Friends Ahoy practice" — including all of our exercises and the 5 Pillars of Connection Health framework — are our own original synthesis, drawn from established research in psychology, sociology, public health, and relationship science. They are not peer-reviewed instruments and are not presented as such.
About the assessments linked here. The UCLA Loneliness Scale (Russell, 1996) and the De Jong Gierveld Loneliness Scale (1985) are validated instruments made available by their authors for non-commercial research and educational use. Friends Ahoy hosts none of these instruments and adds nothing to them; we link to authoritative versions hosted by third parties. Scores are for self-reflection only and are not diagnostic.
Not medical, mental health, or professional advice. Friends Ahoy is a community organization, not a clinical, academic, research, or healthcare institution. Nothing on this page is medical advice, psychological diagnosis, treatment, or a substitute for care from a qualified professional. If anything you read here raises a concern about your physical or mental health, please consult a licensed clinician.
Crisis support. If you are experiencing severe loneliness, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, or crisis, please contact a qualified professional or one of the lines listed in the Crisis & Mental Health Support section above — including 988 (call or text), Crisis Text Line (text HOME to 741741), or SAMHSA (1-800-662-4357).
Non-discrimination. Friends Ahoy is committed to serving adults of all races, ethnicities, national origins, religions, gender identities, sexual orientations, abilities, and family situations. The resources here are selected with that commitment in mind.
Updates & corrections. This list is non-exhaustive and is updated as research evolves and new tools become available. Last updated April 25, 2026. If you spot a broken link or want to suggest a resource, email connect@friendsahoy.com.
Take the Connection Profile.
A 40-question quiz that maps how you actually connect across all 5 Pillars and reveals your Crew Role. About 10 minutes. Free.
Discover Your Crew Role →