Not dating. Not a feed. Something quieter.
Find out how
you connect.
A free quiz that names your Crew Role, shows where your friendships are running thin, and hands you one small thing to try this week.
Free · no account · not a test · no wrong answers
It has to be built.
This Isn't a Personal Failure
Friendships are declining. Community structures are weakening. We scroll more but connect less. Many of us feel further apart than ever, with more ways to reach each other than we’ve ever had.
And most of us were never taught how to do this. Nobody sits you down and explains how to make friends as an adult, or how to build a community once you need one.
Sources: Cox, D. (2021), “The State of American Friendship: Change, Challenges, and Loss,” Survey Center on American Life (American Enterprise Institute). U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (2023), “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community.” American Psychiatric Association (2024), Healthy Minds Monthly Poll.
We break it into five.
Most advice treats connection as a single problem with a single fix. Join a group. Reach out more. But if what’s thin is depth, another group won’t help. If what’s thin is fit, more activity in the wrong room just wears you out faster.
So the quiz doesn’t ask whether you’re lonely. It reads across the 5 Pillars of Connection Health, drawn from loneliness and social-connection research, from the conversations that started Friends Ahoy, and from what people could actually do something about. It’s our own framework rather than a validated test. But the useful question still isn’t how connected you are. It’s which part is running thin.
Emotional Closeness
Depth"Is there anyone who knows the real me?"
Having someone who stays when the answer to "how are you?" is honest, not just "fine."
Social Integration
Regularity"Do I have a rhythm of showing up?"
Same people, on a schedule. The standing coffee, the Tuesday night crew, the rhythm a week without one is missing.
Identity & Belonging
Fit"Is there a place where I belong as I am?"
A room where you don't have to translate yourself. Where your weird specific things get met with "me too."
Purpose & Contribution
Mattering"Would anyone miss me if I stopped showing up?"
The felt sense that you're significant to people. Someone counts on you. Your specific absence would change something.
Digital Balance
Mediation"Is my tech serving connection or replacing it?"
Using your phone to make plans, not to replace the people in them. The pillar that runs across all the others.
Hey,
Like a lot of people over the last few years, I felt a compounding stress and anxiety from a lack of community, and a good amount of loneliness in my own life. Real conversations got rare. And I started to notice I wasn't just missing a community. I didn't really know how to build one.
So I started asking people about it.
In restaurants, at bars, just meeting people out, I kept coming face to face with the same answer. They didn't feel fulfilled. They didn't feel like they had much purpose in the way things are now. It turned out to be extremely common.
It wasn't just me.
When I went looking for resources that fit the situation we're actually in, I didn't find many that felt useful. I'm no expert on any of this. Just a guy who felt it, went looking, and figured that if what I needed wasn't there, the honest thing was to start putting it together.
Thanks for being here,
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Free forever. No credit card. Just humans looking for connection.
You were never meant to do life alone. Your crew is out there.